CLICK HERE to send an e-mail to success@truewarriorfitness.com

What True Warrior Fitness is Really All About...

Personal Balance: The Artful Way of Being

"The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his education and his recreation, his love and his religion. To him it is all the same -- he is always doing both." -- Zen teaching

I first heard my favorite martial art story when I was new to karate. I re-tell it now to my own students and, not surprisingly, to my life-coach and corporate clients as well. It isn't about dramatic feats of courage or sacrifice -- and it isn't about slaying a dozen enemies or fighting to the death for the family honor. The story is simple, yet it clearly illustrates how useful it can be to apply the martial arts' most fundamental lesson -- personal balance, to life's large and small challenges.

The Teacher

An energetic young warrior goes to the school of a famous teacher, intent on being accepted as a student. The teacher invites the student in, and as they sit waiting for a pot of tea to steep, the student begins to tell the teacher about his enemies, about the battles he has won, those he has lost, and the times victory has been unfairly snatched from his grasp. He talks about the techniques he has mastered, his own students, and most importantly, what he expects this teacher to teach him. The teacher smiles politely. He watches. He listens. He waits. Finally the tea is ready and the teacher begins to pour a cup for his visitor. The small cup fills to the brim and the teacher, still looking at his guest, keeps pouring. The cup overflows and tea begins to spill across the table, and down, onto the student's lap. After an uncomfortable moment, the student finally jumps up and yells, "Stop, master! Stop! The cup is full. You can't put any more in." The master, still smiling and still looking at the student, slowly stops pouring the tea, and says, "Yes. The cup is just like you. Already full. You will not be able to learn anything until you bring a cup that is empty."

In the story, the student stays to study with the teacher. Eventually, he is able to put aside his self-limiting expectations and by the tales end he masters the one aspect of the martial arts he needs most. No, not new and fancier tricks, not how to move more quickly, or how to wield a deadlier weapon, but rather, he learns personal balance -- the artful way of being. As we shall see in this first chapter of Tiger's Spirit, Human Heart, personal balance is really the most important skill the martial arts have to offer any of us. With it, we can do something that is very difficult -- integrate two dramatically different approaches to life, into one singularly effective way to live.

First, personal balance makes us acutely aware of our moment-to-moment relationship with the world in the present, giving us the ability to accept reality -- without hesitation. In this way, we remain free of expectations, so that we can deal with both fortune and trouble spontaneously, confidently, even aggressively, when necessary. We are able to face life with a tiger's spirit.

Second, personal balance gives us the confidence to plan, dream, strategize, and ultimately -- act in a way that moves us forward to a better future. It gives us the confidence to explore the human heart. Clearly, then, mastering personal balance can make your daily battles (get out of bed, climb mountains, forge rivers, build careers, grow families, etc.), easier to win. More importantly, personal balance is critical when facing any of life's challenges. In the story, we follow the young warrior's struggle with mastering the lessons that will eventually lead him to personal balance -- the artful way of being.

The First Lesson: To See Solutions

The first lesson is one of sight, perception, and context. We "see solutions" when we are able to recognize the opportunity that is contained within each crisis -- instead of just the difficulty; and to perceive the opening that is hidden within each attack -- instead of just the danger. To see solutions we must develop the talent to switch back and forth between "the forest and the trees," in the blink of an eye.

The essence of learning this skill lies in our ability to accept, what is, while at the same time realizing that where we are (in the best and worst of times), is never our final destination. It is a step on a journey, a moment in time -- nothing more.

When life is good, we can take the opportunity to enjoy life's pleasures, get our bearings, fortify ourselves, and turn to greet the future. When times are bad or dangerous, we need to strategize and act quickly, maybe change course, attack, run, hide, or just grit our teeth and persevere. Regardless, the task is the same, see the solutions that are there, recognize the options and act on them -- the more quickly, the better.

Classic Chinese uses the same character for crisis as for opportunity -- and that, for the young student in the story, and ourselves, becomes the essence of the first lesson. In western terms, we must pay attention to two common mind-sets that hamstring us when we attempt to resolve a particular challenge.

First, we frequently convince ourselves that there is only one perfect (usually unattainable) solution to whatever challenge we face. While this is hardly ever the case, it does make a vast number of good alternatives seem like failures. And second, like a deer frozen in the headlights of an oncoming car, we often come to feel (usually in a blind panic) that there is no solution. Confused and paralyzed, we find ourselves stuck in place or in free fall, working -- damp with desperation -- without goals.

The truth is that usually there are several solutions to any problem. As evidence, think about how many times have you struggled to overcome a difficult challenge, worked hard to find the right (perfect) solution, only to look back a year (a month, a week, even an hour…) later, and said, "Oh, if I only had done..." -- something else?

The Student

As the education of the young warrior continued, the student found that the first lesson, "to see solutions," was much easier said then done. He learned this truth on a variety of painful levels. For example, seeing solutions is hard when our physical well-being and safety are at risk.

During the first year of the apprenticeship, the master trains the student in the arts of war on a daily basis. Although much older, and not as strong or fast as the younger man, the master is many times more skilled and experienced. From day one, as the boy had expected, it is never an even match. The training is intense, the pressure is constant, and the old man's wooden practice sword is very, very, hard. Additionally, there is never a time when the student is truly safe. The master strikes him in the blink of an eye, anytime, day or night -- whenever his attention lags or wanders.

Seeing solutions is also difficult when you are caught off guard or blind-sided by the unexpected.

In addition to his physical training, the student is also responsible for managing the master's household and affairs. This task isn't much easier. The teacher has many varied interests and there are countless demands on the student's time and energy. Additionally, the student is sent to deal with an endless number of ignorant, stubborn and cruel people, and on one impossible mission after another. Always, no matter how a situation is resolved, it seems to the young man that it was never good enough for the master.

Finally, it is very hard for any of us to see solutions when we feel as if we have been pushed past our limits. How can we possibly hope to find answers when we lack the resources to simply get by from one day to the next, or the strength to just "come up with something" that will save us?

At some point in his apprenticeship the student comes to doubt himself. For the first time in his life he feels ashamed at his limitations. He becomes nervous and jumpy. His performance as the master's sparring partner gets worse -- not better. There are many times that the student wants to just turn and run away. He has brief frightening moments where he thinks of taking his own life. On other days, he is more tempted to take out his sword and kill the next person who so much as looks at him in a funny way -- the master included.

Finally, not knowing what else to do, the student goes to the teacher. He tells the old man that there must be something wrong with him. Maybe he is ill. The old man knows medicines and remedies - people come to him from across the region to be healed. "Please Master", says the student, looking down, "I am sorry, but I am sick. Please give me something to feel better. There must be some medicine..."

The old man looks at the young one for a long quiet moment, and says, in a kinder voice then the student had heard in quite a while, "My son, you are not sick. You need to control your emotion. Right now, your anger controls you. Your fear controls you. Worst of all, you waste your energy worrying about what will happen tomorrow, whether you are good enough, whether you will survive here. You are a leaf blowing in a storm of your own making."

The student is stunned to hear this -- especially after all he has endured. He becomes angry, and through barely controlled tears of rage yells, "No, Master! That is not true! I am not a child who cannot control his anger! And, I have never been afraid of anything in my entire life! I have had many opponents, and survived many life and death battles..."

Eventually, with effort, the student stops himself, and regains his composure. The teacher, still looking at him, finally says, "I am not the one you need to convince. Your argument is not with me -- it is with yourself."

Now, according to the story, everything the student had said to the teacher during his rant was true. The student had come to the teacher as an accomplished warrior. Where he came from, people knew of his skill and his courage. But, for some reason this challenge was different. Why was it so hard? After all, this is what he had always wanted. Yet, life as a student of the great master was not what he had expected. This is not what he had prepared for. Now, he never felt like he knew what to do. What was the solution?

That night he lay awake on his straw mat, staring at the ceiling, thinking about tomorrow. Worrying, "What if I am not good enough?"

The Second Lesson: To Control Your Emotions

The old teacher's second lesson is one of discipline. For us, this means the ability to keep a sense of purpose when we find ourselves "face to face" with tough situations. To deal with a crisis, cope with change, or win a conflict, we need to stay focused on the here, the now, and the task (the solution) at hand -- no matter what. Usually and here's the hard part, this is going to mean controlling two specific, balance breaking emotions: anger and fear.

Now, don't misunderstand, anger, and fear, are each valuable parts of being human. They are your "fight or flight" emotions -- the ones that flare when you are exposed to danger -- you cannot function normally without them. As we will explore in future chapters, they are related to each other in complex ways. However, as the young warrior in the story will learn -- they are an unwanted hindrance when the only thing that will really save you is being able to act from a position of personal balance -- not killing everyone in sight, or turning and running for the hills.

Why? Because, each of these emotions separates you from the present, putting you in a place that is anything but balanced. Briefly, this is how they work:

• Anger traps us in the past.

Anger locks your attention onto a real, or imagined, event where you were hurt, scared, challenged, or disappointed. When you are angry, your attention focuses on that pain -- which is always in the past. Your struggle immediately becomes making things "right" and coming to terms with those feelings. Anger can be a flash that comes and goes in half-a-second, or an emotional companion that you have lived with for a lifetime. Regardless, focusing on the feeling of anger keeps you from fully paying attention and reacting in the present.

Try this as you sit and read these words. Think of something that makes you angry. It can be real or imaginary. Now, take a moment and actually let yourself feel the anger. (Just a little bit -- go easy. There's no point in ruining your whole day.) Maybe it's a small thing: Someone cuts you off at an intersection, you spill coffee on yourself while waiting for a job interview, or someone just "gives you a look." Usually, stubbing your toe in the dark, losing your keys, or being put on hold when you're on the phone, is enough to do it for most people. Or, maybe, it's something big: Your co-worker accuses you of something you didn't, you are betrayed by your husband, or your child is beaten-up by bullies.

Now, notice -- as you feel the anger, you stop thinking of it as something distant or as a memory, but rather, you experience it as if it were happening now. Regardless of where you actually are, it becomes your immediate reality. You go somewhere else in your head because anger always becomes the present. When you are angry, you are more aware of what was, and what happened -- then you are of what is, and the moment at hand.

There is no balance in anger because you can't, no matter what, be in two emotional places at once. When you cannot focus on what needs to be done in the present, you reduce your options because you limit your ability to think and to act spontaneously.

• Fear projects us into the future.

Fear, on the other hand, focuses your attention forward to a place in your imagination where you anticipate being hurt, scared, challenged, or disappointed.

As you did with anger, try thinking of something that makes you feel afraid. It can be a big fear or small one. It can be immediate, taking only as long as it would for you to hear the squeal of tires, and then jerk your head around to make sure you aren't going to be hit by a car. Or, you can use a longer time frame. Maybe think about: being assaulted in your home, planning to make a speech in front of thousands of people, losing all your money on bad investments, being abandoned by your spouse, or, crashing in an airplane.

Now, notice that the consequences of the fearful thing you imagine happen in some point in the future -- not in the present. To actually experience the fear, you must leave the present and go to a place that you have created in your mind -- where the "bad thing" is going to happen.

Fear, like anger, takes you out of the present and destroys your ability to respond as effectively as possible to the moment at hand.

©Copyright 2002-2003, Edmond Otis
Image at right courtesy of Mark Groenewold and www.karatethejapaneseway.com

Trainers/Fighters | Training Programs | Locations | Contact US| HOME © 2005 True Warrior Fitness, LLC